someone* i just can't get off my mind.

hmm, where do i start with this? I've came to a point in my life where i just gotta let this go. i know things started off in a wrong way & i wish i could go back & change shyt but this is life and there's no such thing as "going back". Everything has already been said & done. I'm not gonna mention any names but my main people yall know who i'm talking about. This someone that i'm talking about i can't seem to forget about him even if i tired. He stay frontin' acting like nothing happened and yes, he fucked me over i ain't gonna front yes, i went right back and started talking to him again and if yu felt what i felt yu wouldn't think twice to go back. Everytime we talked i had the illest butterflies. It had me thinking that shyt was gonna be back to normal & everything was gonna be good with us. It's so much to explain what was going on but over time he just started to change & the way he started to act was so unexpected. It had me going crazy, there wasn't a day he didn't cross my mind i just kept on feeling him more and moreee. The point is i fell for him and i don't know what the fuck was going on. I was always frontin' telling my girls like "nahh fuck that nigga he aint shyt" but, in the back of my mind i was like damn i love this boy. The way he made me feel, just everything about him stole my heart and he broke it. Sometimes i'd called myself stupid because it wasnt going anywhere and i was in major denial & i just kept on talkig to him so it's like i should blame myself for all this pain i'm going thru? idk! This wasn't some boy who i just liked he was more than that to me he was my everything, he still is my everything & i do still wish he was mine. I remember we had stopped talking at one point and it wus a week before my birthday and i got a phone call from him and when i tell you my heart came out and jus dropped on the floor omg the feeling that came across me was unexplainable and i'd never forget it he said to me " oh i know yur birthday is coming up & i wanted to be the first one to tell you happy birthday" That just shocked me the fact that he called outta no where. My feelings for him are still here and it kills me everyday just thinking about it. I know that i shud just give up cause he doesnt fucking care and yes i get so mad sometimes but hey, what am i supposed to do? cry every night. I rather not. i feel so guilty like i did something but idk if he wud ever change cuz he's heartless and i wish he was different. He's has no idea how i feel. he thinks he knows but he has no fucking idea. IDK WHY i can't just forget bout him it's almost a year and look at me ima mess still. AND again even tho he called me for my birthday guess what i was doing while my homies threw a party for me im on the couch laying down crying why cuz i couldnt get over him. i guess this was meant to happen and whatever happened, happened! IF YU READ THIS i want u to know that im still here for you ima still hold you down baby. Although yu did me wrong and i was being a bitch for a while crying my ass off i hope yu find a BITCH that wud do what i did for you make sure she pretty and treats yu as good as i did. MAYBE i'm over reacting or maybe i just let my feelings take over which it did but, anyways fuck it. Yu know i considered yu my ride or die. I always held you down all day, everyday & this is what a get a kick in the fucking face thanks a lot.